How Is Your SEX TOYS Is the Path to Solo and Partners Pleasure
For many people, the first sexual partner we have is ourselves, and masturbation is the way we get to know our sexual selves.
As we touch ourselves, we explore our bodies, discover new sensations, and try different techniques. Masturbation is a gift, an act of self-love. People masturbate with different intentions and for different reasons: to have an orgasm, to fantasize, to melt away stress, to help fall asleep (or wake up), or to feel a connection to your own body.
Using a toy while you masturbate is a good way to learn about your body and your sexuality, strengthen and tone your pelvic muscles, spice up your routine, and explore a new activity.
Solo Play: Self-Discovery Equals Better Sex:
Most boys begin to masturbate when they hit puberty; their first erection, wet dream, and masturbation session are all rites of passage in our society. By the time they are young adults, they’ve explored how their penis works and have masturbated to orgasm.
On the other hand, many girls don’t have a parallel experience. A girl’s first clitoral hard-on isn’t exactly a common theme in pop culture. And women aren’t encouraged to embrace their sexual bodies in the same way that men are. As a result,
many women don’t masturbate regularly or have never masturbated at all. This double standard puts women at a great disadvantage in their sexual evolution, and they often grow up with feelings of ambivalence, guilt, confusion, or shame about their own bodies. For a woman who’s never masturbated before, a sex toy like a vibrator is a great way to introduce her to the idea.
If she feels shy about touching herself or insecure about what to do, a vibrator can lend the helping, um, hand she needs. Similarly, for women who’ve never had an orgasm or who have trouble reaching orgasm, a vibrator is often recommended by sex therapists and physicians.
Regardless of your gender, self-discovery shouldn’t end once you become sexually active. When people ask me for tips on how to become a better lover, I have one piece of advice for everyone: masturbate.
That’s right: The more you have sex with yourself, the better you’ll be at having sex with your partner. Self-knowledge is the key to sexual health, well-being, and pleasure. And the more you know about your own body—what you like, what you don’t, what feels good, what doesn’t,
what turns you on, what turns you off—the more you can share with your partner. Using a toy while you masturbate is also a good way to try out something new.
Perhaps you’re interested in experimenting— with using a vibrator, testing out a cock ring, or exploring anal penetration. Whatever it is, it may be something you’re curious about, but you’re not ready to discuss it or try it out with your partner.
That’s okay. You don’t have to share every sexual desire you have with your partner right away. Instead, give it a try during a solo session, and see how you like it. Perhaps you’ll decide to keep it to yourself, reserving it for self-pleasuring occasions. Or you may find that you like it so much that you want to share it with your partner.
Sexual Exercise for Better Health Masturbation isn’t just fun, it’s actually good for you! Just as we know that exercise is good for our bodies and helps reduce the risk of certain conditions and illnesses, exercising our sexual anatomy is also important. Specifically, exercising the pubococcygeus muscles (also known as the PC muscles) plays a big role in men and women’s sexual health.
The PC muscles run from the pubic bone to the tailbone, supporting the uterus, bladder, and bowel. For men and women alike, these muscles contract randomly when you are sexually aroused and rhythmically during orgasm. By toning and strengthening the PC muscles through exercise, men can improve prostate health, learn to control and delay ejaculation, control incontinence, maintain better erections, and experience more sensitivity during sex. For women, the PC muscles can be stressed, weakened, or atrophied from obesity, during pregnancy and childbirth, after a period of sexual abstinence, or just as part of the aging process.
By exercising and strengthening your PC muscles, you can get better in tune with the feelings in your pelvic area, increasing your sensitivity and responsiveness. The exercises will also tone the pelvic muscles, making them more flexible and more receptive to pleasurable sensations.
Women who regularly exercise their PC and pelvic muscles report it helps them:
- Maintain urinary tract health
- Prevent or control incontinence
- Prepare for pregnancy and childbirth
- Achieve greater sensitivity during sex
- Have increased pleasure during clitoral stimulation and vaginal and anal penetration
- Have better, more controlled orgasms Kegel exercises were named for the physician who first popularized the theory of exercising PC muscles.
You can do the exercises lying down, sitting, or standing, and doing them during masturbation will increase blood flow to the genitals and increase your arousal. As with other exercise regimens, this should be performed daily for best results. If your muscles seem tired at first,
don’t worry—that’s normal. The harder the exercises are to do for you, the less toned your PC muscles are, and the more you need a workout. Use your common sense, and don’t overdo it to begin with; if you experience any pain while doing them, see a doctor.
To locate your PC muscles, imagine that you are trying to stop peeing (or while you are peeing, you can actually stop the flow of urine). The muscles you contract to stop the flow are your PC muscles. You can also slide a finger inside your vagina and try to squeeze your finger with your muscles.
Once you’ve found the PC muscles, take some deep breaths. Contract the muscles and hold the contraction for a few seconds. Then relax the muscles. Begin to add a second to the routine, and see whether you can work your way up to 10 seconds of contraction followed by 10 seconds of relaxation.
You can do these in sets of ten several times a day. For best results, make sure you’re isolating the PC muscle. Don’t hold your breath or contract your stomach or other muscles.
Vaginal Exercise: Try Ben-Wa Balls, Stone Eggs, and Barbells:
Some people believe that doing PC muscle exercises with something inside the vagina (or in the anus for men) produces better results because you’re working the muscles against some resistance. There are several products designed especially for Kegel exercises.
Large egg-shaped toys made of polished jade, onyx, and other natural stones can be used by women to exercise your PC muscles. You slide a well-lubed egg into your vagina, then practice contracting your muscles around it. Because it’s both thick and heavy, it provides more of a challenge to the muscles. Once the muscles are stronger, you can do the exercises standing up.
Smaller and lighter than stone eggs, Ben-Wa balls are two balls on a string usually made of plastic or silicone.
They are a good starter for people intimidated by the size and weight of the egg. Eggs and Ben-Wa balls should not be used anally. Heavier but not as thick as eggs, vaginal barbells are recommended by physicians, sexologists, and therapists for Kegel exercises. The Kegelcisor and Betty’s Vaginal Barbell (designed by masturbation guru and sexologist Betty Dodson) are heavy metal dildos that are similar in design: They are about 7 inches (18 cm) long, weigh nearly a pound, and have different-sized balls on either end. You begin by practicing clamping down on the larger ball, then graduate to the smaller one as your muscle tone improves; some exercises call for you to contract the muscle while pulling the barbell out of your vagina. The Natural Contours Energie is a similar product, except it has a plastic coating over metal and a smooth surface without balls. All three can be used anally, but with great caution, because they don’t have flared bases. When the workout is over, the barbells, Ben-Wa balls, and stone egg can also be used as sex toys, just for pleasure.
Partnered Pleasure Gets an Assist
Sex toys are designed for pleasure, and your sex life can benefit from them in many different ways.
Although toys have come a long way since they were considered “marital aids,” one thing remains true: They can be problem solvers. Low libido is one of the most common issues that women face, especially as they get older. For women who have trouble getting aroused, a vibrator can help get the party started.
For men, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are two of the most common problems. Penis pumps can help you get an erection; a cock ring can help you maintain a stronger erection, delay ejaculation, and prolong intercourse.
One of the most common complaints I hear from women is that there isn’t enough foreplay before intercourse. In general, it takes women more time than men to get aroused. If you have intercourse before you’re properly warmed up, your body literally isn’t ready:
The genitals aren’t fully engorged, and the vagina hasn’t lubricated and expanded. Some women who experience pain during intercourse simply haven’t given their bodies enough time to rev up. All sorts of sex toys, including dildos and vibrators, can be used to facilitate the arousal process. They can help make foreplay fun and playful, relax you and get you in the mood. In addition, if your partner is well endowed, penetration with a toy that’s slightly smaller than him is a great way to prepare.