SEX TOY JOYS: Why You Should Try a Sex Toy
A reporter once asked me for an analogy that would illustrate why someone would want to use a vibrator. I replied, Using a vibrator to get off if you're used to your hand is a lot like driving a car with an automatic transmission after you've practiced on a stick shift. It's a lot less work, so you can just sit back and enjoy the ride. Of course, if you've never driven a stick, that analogy does nothing for you, so you'll just have to read the rest of this chapter. Here, in a nutshell, are five great reasons why you should try a sex toy.
Sex Toys Make Some Things Easier
It's easier for many women to have an orgasm with a vibrator; it's easier for women to get clitoral stimulation during intercourse with a vibrator; it's easier to reach the G spot and the prostate with a sex toy; it's easier to prolong an erection with a sex toy “the list could go on and on. The beauty of making things easier during sex, as in the car analogy above, is that you can sit back and enjoy the ride. Instead of worrying about whether you're going to come or if you're going to come too soon, you can relax and focus solely on the pleasure at hand.
Sex Toys Help You Break Out of a Routine
Do you require a certain stroke to masturbate, a particular position to orgasm, or a just-so lick during oral sex? Sex toys can expand your range, offering certain types of stimulation that hands or tongues can't. A penis sleeve might tickle your fancy, a strap-on vibrator might free you up to try different intercourse positions, or a small vibrator might add a delightful extra buzz to your next blow job. Think of sex toys as adding more entrances to an ever-expanding sexual buffet. And if you enjoy the food as sex metaphor, bear in mind that food itself works well as a sex toy. If you have any doubts, read the sexy and hilarious erotic story, Thanksgiving with the In-laws.
Sex Toys Inspire Sexual Confidence
By picking up a sex toy and pressing it to your genitals, you are taking responsibility for your sexual needs and desires. In a culture where we learn very little about sexual pleasure, this act alone is impressive. Rather than waiting passively for someone to fulfill all your sexual needs, you take matters into your own hands. As a result, you learn more about your sexuality, you gain greater self-confidence and expertise, and you're more likely to have satisfying sexual encounters in the future.
Sex Toys Spice Up Partner Sex
As I mentioned in the introduction, despite their reputation as singles' playthings, sex toys actually enhance partner sex play by enabling you to do certain things you might not otherwise be able to whether it's a vibrator adding just the right clitoral stimulation during intercourse or a butt plug that makes coming from prostate stimulation possible. Over the years I've heard from hundreds of couples who describe toy experiences that changed their lives whether they discovered a new erogenous zone, learned to climax together for the first time, or enjoyed a renewed passion because of a sex toy.
Sex Toys Make the Mood
You'll discover that certain types of sex play beg for some sex toy accessories. That back caress may feel even better when it's given with a warming oil, that kiss may resonate even more deeply if your hands are tied to the bedposts, and that cyber fling might short-circuit your computer if you're wearing a vibrator. Adding sex toys can incite your imagination and lend just the right spark of adventure to your love life.
COMMON MYTHS ABOUT SEX TOYS
Even with all these great reasons to try sex toys, most people still harbor a few reservations about trying them. I've found that a little information and encouragement go along way toward relieving those anxieties, freeing people to explore this new realm of erotic pleasure.
Sex Toys Are Only for People Whose Sex Lives
The fact that sex toys have been referred to as marital aids and sexual aids for so long has done much to further this myth. The word aid implies that you should use one of these toys only if you need to fix something that's broken. But a woman who finds that a vibrator helps her have an orgasm more easily is not broken, nor is a man who discovers that a cock ring helps his erection last longer. Individual sexual response falls on a vast continuum, and it fluctuates over one's lifetime. If we measured sexual performance against one single ideal, we'd all end up broken at some time in our lives, and who needs to walk around under that cloud? I've always been a fan of the term sex toy because it reminds me not to take sex too seriously”it's hard not to smile when there's a butterfly vibrating one's clitoris. Sex is unpredictable, exciting, elusive, messy, and playful, and sex toys make a natural addition to this wonderful mix.
Sex Toys Are Unnatural
This stems from the belief that proper sex should involve only the equipment that you were born with. If you're strict about this, sex is bound to get a little boring. Forget the sexy lingerie, the romantic movie, the candlelight, the satin sheets, or the massage oil. All these things contribute to our experience of sex and are no more natural than sex toys, yet most folks don't have a problem with them. If you want something organic, take a tip from our ancestors, who fashioned dildos out of stone or wood. Or just lighten up! I'm not suggesting you play with bioengineered corn, for heaven's sake.
Guys Don't Use Sex Toys
In general, when it comes to sex toys, men tend to fall into two camps: those who think (1) toys are an insult to my manhood, or (2) I like 'em, but I'll never admit it. To illustrate, let me tell you about my first boyfriend, who falls squarely into camp number one. When I went to my twentieth high school reunion and told him that I sold sex toys for a living, he replied, I don't need those things, I'm huge. Of course my reply was the time-honored It's not what you have, but what you do with it that matters, and sex toys let you do a whole lot more with it. But what he said reflects the attitude of many men: in the bedroom you shouldn't need anything more than what you were born with, otherwise it's a sign of failure, inadequacy, or downright wimpiness. Which is just a load of bull, especially when you stop to consider that men's other toys”fast cars and power tools”are often viewed as signs of virility. So take a chance on a toy and show the world what a sexually adventurous guy you really are.
If I use a butt plug, people will think I'm gay. If I like dildos, then I must be a lesbian. If I want to tie my partner up, I must be a dominatrix. These are just sexual stereotypes that will only hinder your sexual curiosity and growth. One thing I learned working at a sex toy store is that all kinds of people have all kinds of sexual tastes, and they absolutely cannot be neatly compartmentalized based on sexual orientation. Sure, lots of lesbians like dildos, but so does the woman who wants to have a dildo in her vagina while her husband anally penetrates her. Not all gay men like anal sex, just as not all heterosexual women like giving blow jobs. Your desire to try out a pair of wrist restraints doesn't mean you're headed for a career in SM, it just means you have a healthy sexual inquisitiveness! Your sexual identity defines who you are, not your sexual practices. So quit worrying what the Joneses might think, and just do what feels good.
Sex Toys Are for Losers, Loners, or Geeks
If you've paid any attention to pop culture recently, you'll know this stereotype is on its way out. Vibrators, which seldom appeared in TV or movies, and then only as fetish objects or punch lines for jokes about lonely women, are finally gaining some respect. Witness the popularity of shows like Sex and the City, and the way its female characters rhapsodized about their toys (sending sales of two popular vibrators, the Hitachi and the Rabbit, sky high). One day while reading Vibe magazine I ran across a quote from rapper Ice T about how he likes to use his favorite vibrator (the Pocket Rocket) on the ladies. Who'd have thought that sex toys would one day rise above their ignoble past to become positively hip! But you needn't be a trendsetter to enjoy sex toys, just open-minded. Chances are, if you buy one today, you'll have something in common with your favorite celebrity, the parent at the PTA meeting, or the girl, like me, who discovered their sweet charms one lazy summer.If you started this chapter with any reservations about using sex toys, I hope they are now banished from your mind. Enjoying great sex requires letting go of sexual insecurities and just focusing on what brings you pleasure. And sex toys are just waiting to expand your potential for pleasure.