12 Things to Know if You Want to Make On-Top Sex SO Much Better

A real speech: being on top is not always as simple as it seems. Of course, the old adage that being at the top leads to the chance of a better orgasm is def motivationbut sometimes you’re just shy! If you find it hard to feel confident when you’re on top during sex, don’t worry.

Here, sex experts and educators share their best tips for mastering this position without sweating.

1. How to overcome the insecurity related to my appearance when I am at the top?

Fortunately, this one is all mental. “We tend to have an idea of ​​porn that we have to sit up straight for its visual pleasure, and that we have to have a perfect body to do it,” says Lynn Wolfbrandt, sexuality coach specializing in female sexuality. In reality, if you have sex with a man, “it’s 99% guaranteed that he’ll have an amazing time, whatever you do,” says Wolfbrandt.

“It is 99% guaranteed that he will have an incredible time, whatever you do”

Tap into your inner diva and make the moment of you and your pleasure. You know how guys don’t realize you’ve cut 10 inches of hair for weeks until you literally mention the fact? There is your evidence that he will not criticize your body or anything as far as you are concerned.

If you want to take a mental break and get away from the showgirl spotlight for a month, you can also try to stand on your stomach-to-stomach, or even close your legs and squeeze to get more clitoral pleasure, adds Wolfbrandt.

2. How can I to have in position?

Wondering how to gracefully chain your partner’s body? “Start by kneeling over your partner and lower yourself gently,” says Antonia Hall, sex and relationship specialist and author of The ultimate guide to a multi-orgasmic life. “From there, it’s easy to bounce up and down or rock your hips, adjusting your angle to stimulate your clitoris,” she adds. You can also try to squat with your feet flat. You will need more balance, but this opens your hips for deeper penetration.

3. What should I attach to during the top of the woman?

The answer: build a sex fort. Not really, but it’s really cool to call for furniture backup if you need it. “Do not hesitate to use accessories, especially if you have short legs or if you need additional support through the pelvic floor,” says Fiona Gilbert, sexual well-being consultant. Folded towels, yoga bricks, pillows, sex furniture, are all your friends here.

4. Why do people always say that being at the top is better for women anyway?

“You have more control over speed, angle and intensity, so it’s easier to keep it at a pace that really does it for you. Your vulva and clitoris are also very accessible, and the vast majority of women find intercourse much more pleasant if they caress or are also caressed in this area “, Layla Martin, extraordinary sexpert and author of Wild woman in the room, Explain. And then there is also the mental element of control: taking the reins and doing exactly the right things – how “you” want – can feel beyond the heat.

5. Okay, but what can you try if you’re having trouble getting the right angle when you’re at the top?

Yes, in theory, it makes sense that being at the top allows your clitoris to get more stimulation, but if that angle just doesn’t happen for you, you have options. To find this ideal point, Martin suggests moving your body back and forth very slowly, and from left to right, to see if you can notice slight differences in sensation. Basically, troubleshoot!

Too deep? No problem. “If you are uncomfortable because the penetration seems too deep, you can try to lie down forwards and prop yourself up on your hands or forearms almost as if you were in a missionary position, “suggests Martin. And don’t be discouraged if you don’t get there right away. “The key is to not get caught up in thinking it doesn’t work and you have to fix it, but rather focus on sensual discovery of the place that has the greatest pleasure for you. “

6. How do you determine how to move your body?

Once you’ve found the perfect angle, you can still get bogged down in the way of moving, especially if you think you have to be a dancer or someone with impeccable natural rhythm to nail it. But all you need to do is train: Hall suggests starting out by making small, slow adjustments to your hips or body until you reach that ideal point.

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“You can use the muscles and trunk of your legs to move up and down and then carefully lean forward or backward to align things,” says Hall. “Yesour hands can go on the bed for support and balance when you move into positions that suit you, and what feels good often changes, so you should feel comfortable adjusting as you wish.

7. What can I try if I tire very quickly when I’m at the top?

It’s no surprise that being at the top exerts a lot lower energy than just standing there and noticing all the cracks in your ceiling. Martin advises to always slow down but adds: “The most important thing is to remember to breathe. If you have already done intensive training, you can go much further and longer if you breathe deeply. It will seem quite natural since people tend to breathe much more intensely during sex. “Deep breaths and exhalations can help you focus on the sensations and not get exhausted as quickly.

But you can also let your partner take over a bit. “Sex is a dance,” says Halls. And your partner will probably move his hips a little too, because it’s amazing. She also recommends leaning forward to lie on your partner in a sort of missionary pose to relieve tension (and point out that they can also contribute to the push).

8. Are there workouts you can do to improve sex with you?

“Great sexual endurance comes from the strength of your large muscle groups and a good cardio routine,” says Hall. “Working on your legs and your heart will really help you in the bedroom. I also always recommend doing Kegels, which will help strengthen your pelvic muscles, which means bigger and better orgasms. “

9. Are there variations from the traditional position “above my partner, facing them”? And WTF are they?

You have other choices! On the one hand, you can make your way into the reverse cowgirl, which Martin says can be “extremely liberating.” This is basically to stay above the penis, but to lean on your forearms or sit facing his toes instead of his face.

BUT THERE IS MORE! “There is an advanced position where you face forward and lean to one side, and place this hand down to support yourself and give your pelvis a slight elevation. Additional support and the slight elevation of your pelvis allow you to undulate from top to bottom “with more reach in your pelvis, and that can be super erotic”, explains Martin.

10. What are some good toys to add to the gender of woman on top?

Many women cannot enjoy P-in-V sex alone, so it may be a good idea to throw away an accessory. Hall says it’s a great position to incorporate vibrators, and recommends a portable clitoral stimulator like the Clandestine Mimic, a torque vibrator like the We-Vibe Sync, or a vibrating cock ring like the Tenga SVR.

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11. Is there a way to hurt yourself with top-sex?

The top female sex is actually the most common position for penile fracture, but it’s still not incredibly common or easy to do. According to Hall, the main thing to do is calm down slowly each time, because you can hurt your partner if you lean in a way that uncomfortably bends his penis, or if you rebound so quickly that you fall at a wrong angle and hurt yourself or even break his penis.

12. What if I can’t relax?

There are tons of other benefits to outdoing yourself that you might not have realized. “Sex is very psychological and for women to experience their deepest orgasms, there are parts of their brain that have to be quiet and that have to do with judgment and control,” says Martin. When you’re on your back, you might be more taken in your head but when you are at the top, you are forced to focus more on the physical act, which can help you really let go.