Once upon a time, I thought I was way too cool for sex toys – too young and creative for need these accessories. The vibrators and the handcuffs were intended for experienced or bored housewives who were trying to “spice things up,” I assumed (wrongly). In my naivety, I thought it was lame to spend my hard-earned dollars on tacky porn accessories when my partner and I obviously should be able to create more than enough excitement ourselves.
In other words, until I get an education. I had a vibrator for years – a cool, cutting-edge thing that looked more like a jump player than a sex accessory – but I had rarely used it. Other toys never intrigued me enough to seem worth a try, let alone buy – until my boyfriend dragged me to one of LA’s most famous sex shops , Hustler Hollywood, saying he wanted to try something new.
A long moment Dan Savage devout and devoted believer in his “GGG policy” – that all partners should be good, give and play in bed – I knew it would be leaner to snub my boyfriend’s idea than to give him a shot. And with that, we bought an anal plug – “Good for beginners!” Promised the overly enthusiastic saleswoman – and a pair of handcuffs (“These are way uncomfortable; take the pair of velvets, ”she advised.
That night, we tried them, with a little surly and stoned buzz to take over. And there was absolutely a cutting edge: the “beginner” anal plug hurts like a motherfucker. But once I got over the initial bite, I found it to be an incredibly sexy bonding experience. It was a kind of breakthrough: we still use these toys (and more) regularly; and I will tell any friend who will listen to why it is worth visiting a sex shop, not only to say that they did it, but to add an extra spark to their sex life, even if they are already hot.
You do not know where to start? Join the club. Below, I have received advice from sexologists and real women on seven types of essential sex toys, including what they are used for, how to use them, and insider tips to get everyone’s best pleasure.
While they may seem almost quaint compared to all of the vibrant, high-tech, action-packed toys available today, dildos remain a classic in which many women and even more men are great. “I have seen people move from secrecy, silence and shame to an open, cool and trendy attitude towards sex toys of all kinds, from dildos to anal beads,” explains the clinical sexologist Marlene Wasserman, DHS. “I like it when people stretch their sexual boundaries to leave their comfort zones, which can turn into a wonderful feeling of personal achievement and newly discovered pleasures – or aversions. Either way, you learn something about your body and your partner. “
If you are looking for the feeling of penetration closest to a real penis, dildos are the way to go. They come in a variety of shapes, lengths and widths, so take that into account when shopping (some women may find that slightly curved ones are better for removing them, as they will give your clitoris and G-spot action. more direct) and consider using them both vaginally and anal. “My ex loved to splash around with a dildo – for him, not for me!” Says Audrey, 30, from Los Angeles. “I wasn’t in there; I prefer the real D or a vibrator while we go, but he seemed to like the novelty and the forbidden feel of the dildo.”
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Think of the anal plugs to introduce you to anal play. “Anal toys are popular with women, even if they don’t have a prostate or nerves to directly cause orgasm in the anus, they can be a huge mental excitement,” says Wasserman. “If you are a beginner, start by taking a shower and clean yourself beforehand, then ask your partner to stimulate you with his fingers – or his tongue, if he is adventurous – before inserting a plug, a vibrator or pearls. ”She also suggests using latex gloves or condoms on the fingers for cleanliness and anal lubricant for comfort and gliding.
“I have found that the key to introducing toys, whether they are anal, tongs or whatever, is a matter of setting expectations and preparation,” said Katie, 30, of New York. “I mean, the anal plugs are honestly a little scary – even if they are pastel pink – and if your partner’s only knowledge of their use comes from porn, the night will probably not end well. in teaching mode to explain to them how I feel while we are doing it. And it never hurts to get to know the solo toy beforehand, to explore how your body reacts. “
Tie these guys to your nips it hurts– but it’s supposed to. A big part of the BDSM game is about the kind of painful pain that can be a super hot feeling for many people, if only for the fact that it is so different from what we experience on a daily basis.
Sarah, 27, from London says: “This is when my boyfriend picks up the pliers of it hurts the most – and I love it. The blood comes back to my nipples after being cut, and it’s amazing. But don’t leave them on for too long, or you can cut circulation to your nipples! Many clips come with fantastic features like adjustable pressure, a vibrating option and a waterproof coating, but Sarah says she heard that clothespins can be just as effective, if you don’t want to buy them. true.
These should be your must-have sex toy, solo and couple play, says Wasserman. “I suggest that women have a variety of vibrators – different shapes, sizes and types of stimulators to match their mood and whatever feeling they are looking for at that time. Sometimes you may want a big one vibrating dildo that you can insert at your own pace, and other times, you may want to use a vibrating anal plug. ”Don’t worry, regular use of a vibrator will boost your clitoris or spoil your ability to come with a good old fashioned penis – “it’s a myth,” says Wasserman. “It is the responsibility of women to find out what it brings them and to be sexually vulnerable. Sex toys tend to bring them women to orgasm, so go ahead and use them! ”
“My boyfriend and I had a perfectly good sex life, but bringing my vibrator into the mix intensified things,” said Amy, 29, from New York. “Sometimes I need a really long time to come from regular sex, when this is rarely the case for him. When we don’t have the time or the energy for a session of several hours, the vibrator comes to the rescue by getting me down faster and with less work on our two parts. “
Handcuffs are more a matter of mental and emotional activation than physical sensation, says Wasserman. “It can be very exciting to discuss the scene you are going to set up and get the necessary consent,” she says. “It is a fabulous fantasy game and is gaining popularity due to recent exposure and standardization in the media.”
Just be careful, if you go for a super authentic prisoner fantasy that involves real metal cuffs, they can hurt. “Soft and fluffy is a must,” says Jen, 30, of Rutland, Vermont. “I like to feel a little bit out of control when my partner gets hold of me, especially when all the other parts of my life require effort and attention.”
For women who have trouble coming from other sex toys (or even partners), a vibrator that focuses only on stimulating the most sensitive part of your vagina could be the quick fix. Wasserman is a big fan of women who defend their clitoris. “Unfortunately, men don’t spend enough time on clitoral play and women remain silent about their clitoral needs,” she said. “Use your clitoral massager while being depressed; then use it when you are swollen and have fallen asleep; let it see you use it to make it a couple activity, ”she suggests.
“Before, I thought I was not able to enjoy because nothing seemed to work on my clitoris,” says Emily, 30, from Boston. “A clitoral stimulator – of which I now have several – made a difference. They shake my world every time, and the rest of my collection of sex toys is hardly used anymore. »Sold again?
Slightly different from anal plugs in that they insert an individual bead at a time, rather than gently and gradually like a plug, anal beads pop feel with each larger size that comes in. And while any sort of anal toy and play will help you get ready for real anal sex, the anal plugs may be a little more like what you will feel.
“I have used both caps and beads, and I like both, but I think it’s more important to invest in a set of high quality beads if that’s what you like” says Alyssa, 26, from New York. . “The last thing you want is a pair of inexpensive pearls that break when they’re inside you! Oh, and with either one, be sure to use a ton of lube, if not it will be more pain than pleasure. “Good to know.